ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
