those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
