I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I am one with the molecules
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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