she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
