Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
