apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
