hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
