i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
