I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
