Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
