My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
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