Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think I died a long time ago.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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