so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
We smell like vodka and hangover
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