just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
