you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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