I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
