I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
