sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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