I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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