Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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