Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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