we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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