i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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