I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
