Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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