paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How naked do you want me to be?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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