But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
