I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
