Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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