Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
