Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
