Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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