but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
