did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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