Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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