I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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