so explain again why im purple
no
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
