dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
