I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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