i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
