I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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