Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
