don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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