Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
