did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
