is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
