I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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