Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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