i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
