forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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