once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
