My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
