yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
