dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
