We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You ruined the universe
Randomize