Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
