he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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