Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
