So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
