is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
