he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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