maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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