I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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