Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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