His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
