she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
