Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
