Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
