I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
