so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
