i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
