she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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