So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
