Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
