I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
