I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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