I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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