I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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