Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
